so sometimes surrendering means going against what the mind wants. this has been such an important lesson in my life and it came up again today. i won't bore you with the details simply because they are not the focus of this lesson for me today. in the end it really doesn't matter what are the circumstances of my resistance or potential resistance. suffice it to say, i really had the desire to start my hike today, however, the powers that be did not arrange for my gear to be here in time. there are certain things i can make exceptions for and i can rearrange in a number of different ways. it becomes apparent, however, that one is moving against the flow when it starts taking extra effort to bring one's desires to fruition. when i take step out of my mind, when i really just observe my mind and it's wanderings, i always return to this freeing and blissful knowing that, for me, whatever i am involved in is just another distraction. my mind loves the idea of this hike i am about to undertake (i know, i'm weird - us thru-hikers often are weird), but it ultimately is just another distraction. think about it logically. if i surrender completely to the divine, then everything becomes just that. whatever i may appear to be doing is just a distraction for my mind and the real stuff is in the lessons and learning that comes from me surrendering to the experience. in my current limited human understanding, i can't know the overall reasons for why my desires did not work out the way I want. it could be that i would have been unsafe in some way, or that because my mind was feeling unsettled and i would have pushed myself too hard, or that i would have made potentially unsafe choices regarding water.
all i know is that when i go within, the answer i invariably get is: all is well - just let go. just let go . . .
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